Lessons in Eagerness

Typically, I am not attracted to people who are overly fervent to date me from the get-go. Why would one be so excited that you exist and are talking to them when they don’t know anything about you? It is usually a sign of desperation or imbalance …which are two traits that I try to steer very clear of.

eager crazy dogs

For some reason or another, I allowed the following situation to occur. As though you can’t predict what happens, please humor me and learn–

I received a message through Match.com from an attractive and friendly guy. We exchanged a few messages. I was definitely interested in him, even with his quickly-peaked interest. Here’s a part of his fourth message to me:


All I can say is WOW!!! lol I have nothing to top that last email! all I can say is I read it on the subway and I developed an ear to ear smile and everyone on the subway was starting at me because I looked like I just won the lottery.. not sure if you have ever seen the movie Analyze This? allow me to reference a line from the movie where Robert Dinero is elated with Billy Crystal and he says, “Your good you!” “No you are you very good you!!” so now that I have gotten that out of the way there is nothing left to say but we must meet in person as soon as humanly possible, like right now..lol so as soon as you have free time let meet for a drink, dinner, dancing skydiving. Whatever. I am so down im below the ground!

Okay, so he was really into hyped-up streams of consciousness and corny metaphors, but “Hey,” I thought, “this guy’s got energy!”

I giggled at that (horribly written) e-mail and was flattered, which I suppose was the point. I also delicately pointed out that perhaps he should calm down on the excitement just a tad, considering we never met and had been messaging for about a day. He agreed and said he would chill out and we started the texting phase of our communication.

*Justin and I moved on to texting one another for the next few days. We discussed a number of different facets of our lives, and he asked me so many questions about my life and past, it seemed like he was drafting my biography. He mentioned how it was fate that we had met – more than once – and discussed future experiences we would have together several times. I was a bit put off, but decided to go with the experience.

He had asked me to meet him for our first date that coming Sunday, and when I checked in with him the day before to see where we would meet, he told me that he had to go visit his sick grandmother instead of meeting up. Mr. Eager all the sudden had other plans? I was a bit skeptical about that considering it was the first mention of Grandma, but wished his family well and we pushed our plans up to the next Tuesday.

“I’m all broken up…boy…”

So, 8 days after Justin had first written to me and basically demanded marriage, our “date” day had rolled around and I hadn’t heard from him. I probably shouldn’t have even bothered, but I texted him to see if we were still meeting up that evening. Here’s a texting summary:

Justin: Sure. Let’s definitely meet up.

Me: Okay, what time would you like to meet and where?

Justin: Hmmm…let me get back to you in a few.

Me: (still wondering where the eagerness had gone, thus being a total idiot) Okay…well let me know. By the way, it’s a bit weird that I have been texting you first for the past few days. It’s kind of making me feel apprehensive. I hope everything is okay?

Justin: Yep. Oh, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.

Me: Cool – so I guess just let me know where you’d like to meet up later.


Justin: Look**, I met someone else and I think I have a strong connection with her. I want to see where it goes. But I think we can still meet up…as friends.

Me: (still assuming there was some logic left) Well, that’s fine. Why don’t we just see how we get along and go from there?

Justin: I think we should just be friends. I told you we would hang out so I don’t want to break my promises but just as friends.

Me: Okay… but I’m not understanding how someone that was so eager to meet me 3 days ago is now very serious about someone else…

Justin: Look, I don’t think we should meet up at all. Let’s just chalk this up to a funny experience and move on, okay?

Me: Wow.

I’m not going to say that I was too smart in still trying to hang out with Justin and I admit I look like a total loser for trying via text.

It is often a turn-off when guys are so eager when they don’t know you at all. In retrospect, it is even more of turn-off when they demonstrate a true personality disorder about a week later. I’m pretty sure I was just curious and made it a personal challenge to get him to meet up with me. A task I put on myself to get to see the crazy in person I suppose.

This is not really a story I am proud of, but it provides a good lesson in yet another form of insanity.

Early eagerness = Permanent Lunacy

*Named changed…just because…bleccch.

** Anyone who starts a verbal or written statement with the word “Look” is a melodramatic weirdo. Remember that.


Valentine’s Day with Ralphi

The following was the offer I received for Valentine’s Day:

Hey there. I am going to be hosting a party on Valentine’s Day for divorcees ages 35-55 in NYC. Would you like to be my guest? No cost to you if interested. The last party I hosted had about 50 attendees and everyone had a good time. We have a facebook group at and a page at.

Please let me know if you would like more details.

Thanks. Raphi Salem

A few items to note:

– I’m not a divorcee

– I’m not between the ages of 35 and 55

– I’m not destitute

– Where is this group Facebook page and regular page? He really left them blank…

– This exact message was sent to me twice in a period of 10 minutes

I hope Ralphi got a few bites. It seems that he casted a very wide net on Match.com. Perhaps he got thrown off for spamming. That wouldn’t be very romantic though.


Not to be superficial, but if Ralphi looked more like this, we may have had a deal.

Pass on the love today – and EVERY DAY, y’all!