An Informative and Stimulating Guest Post: Cat Man Has Struck

Rejoice! I’m thrilled that one of my amazing friends has agreed to share one of her very own not-so-smitten dating stories and has allowed me to publish it here. While Beth lives across the country from me, her tale proves that crazy blind dates can occur anywhere, at any time:

The cool springtime air brushed against my face as I walked towards one of my favorite cafés in Minneapolis. He stood outside the door, looking around in anticipation of my arrival. He hadn’t seen me yet. We had connected through an online dating service and this wasn’t my first time meeting someone that way.

I typically did these first meetings during the day; and I always had plans immediately following, that would limit the amount of time we spent together straight away. Sound crazy? Trust me, it’s not.

He was tall, kind of cute and smiled big when he saw me stroll up. We said our hellos and he opened the door for me as we headed inside. So far, so good.

We tucked ourselves into a booth and made small talk as we studied the menu. He was soft spoken and seemed interested in what I had to say. As we ate, we learned we had some common ground. Cycling, photography, camping.

I wasn’t immediately attracted to him in an I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off kind of way, but he was cute and nice. I know physical attraction can develop as you get to know someone, so I was willing to see him again.

He asked me out again a couple of days later and we met up at an art museum. Ten minutes into meandering around the galleries, things kept getting more and more uncomfortable. He didn’t get my sense of humor and I certainly didn’t get his. Conversation was forced and awkward.

As I was quietly figuring out my exit plan, we turned into another room and there was a photograph of a cat on display. He smiled and exclaimed how cute it was. I bit my tongue, hiding my irrational fear of felines. There was no point in revealing that anymore.
beth-cat-crop Proof of Beth’s comfort level with cats.

“I bought coloring books for my cats,” he continued to tell me. Did I hear him correctly? I was hesitant to ask. Coloring books for his… okay.

“Oh… they color?” was all I could think to say. For the next twenty minutes he talked about the psychology of cats and their need for creative stimulation and I had visions of what future dates with him might look like. Would he make me dress up like a cat? Would HE dress up as the cat? Then what would I be? A ball of yarn? For the love of all things, I didn’t want to find out. He had no clue that I was leading us back towards the lobby while pretending to look at art along the way.

“So, want to grab a bite?” he asked as we stood in the busy atrium. I’m either really good at hiding my disinterest or he was just that clueless. There was a large crowd gathering for an event at the museum and I was scanning the room for the door that led to the parking garage.

“Can I help you?” said a woman about my age. She smiled and the look in her eye told me she knew exactly the situation I was in.

“Parking garage?” I asked her quietly, my date totally oblivious to the exchange I was having with this woman. She winked and nodded her head in the direction of the door.

“Thank you,” I said softly, touching her arm and admiring her ink. She smiled and went on her way. I told the cat-man that I had a lot of work to do and needed to call it a night. We walked out to our cars, embraced in an awkward hug and I quickly got the hell out of there.

cat-man A portrait of Beth’s date from the museum…at least in her mind. http://www.halloweencostumes.com

I drove home, cautiously watching my tail.

Pun intended.

I hope that this dude has discovered kittywigs.com. It might be the perfect source of entertainment and comfort for him. And what’s up with the
cat-obsessed men out there? For more thoughts, stories and inspiration from Beth, you can visit her fantastic blog here: theawkwarddancer.com

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Bathing Dominatrix Princess

I understand the strategy of “casting a wide net” in the online dating world and I’m sure it is successful for some. Sometimes I give the guys that send me the most asinine messages some credit for making the attempt. I suppose that is what I am doing by posting these messages.

E-mail from Dude 1 (who is 13 years younger than me, which is something that neither of us are interested in, according to our profiles):

Subject: have you ever thought about a relationship with…

Message: have you ever thought about a relationship with a guy where you are in charge and he follows what you tell him to do? I think it could be really fun and exciting. Let me know what you think :).

Well, no. No I haven’t. And I didn’t know that match.com was a guise for kinky dominatrix partnerships either.

E-mail from Dude 2:

Subject: Okay… here’s a question…

Message: Cold shower or hot bath?

What? Did I just waste 5 seconds of my day reading that?

Dominatrix Princess

Dominatrix Princess

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Lunar-Princess-Animated-Adoptable-338102504

E-mail from Dude 3 (if you read this guy’s entire e-mail, you are a better person than me):

Message:

Princess,

So basically, the way I look at it, three VERY important things will happen here that will shape the rest of our lives together:

1. You and I are going to get together for an incredibly fun, romantic and memorable weekend. That weekend will be absolutely CRUCIAL as this first meeting will show that this handsome, sexy, romantic, intelligent, athletic, sweet, kind, personable and family-oriented guy IS the right one for you (and vice versa).

2. After this weekend is complete, shortly thereafter, you and I are going to go on a terrific week long vacation somewhere (cruise, beach, etc). As hard as you and I have been working lately, we BOTH deserve it.

3. After #1 and #2 take place, we’re going to recreate the whole “Meet The Parents” series, as I plan on popping an AMAZING Tiffany ring on your finger and making you the happiest princess ever. It’s time we give our parents the grandkids they always wanted, be terrific parents on our end, and watch them grow into strong Jewish men/women.

Anything else we each do on our end, is a waste of our time my love. Hope you’re having a great week- mazeltov! 🙂

Matt

If I think too hard about the planet that these men live on – where messages like these are possibly enticing…it makes my head spin. I’m sure there are women answering them. And that’s the scariest part of it all.