To POOL or not to POOL

With so many entertaining pieces of media dedicated to dating at large, it’s difficult to find some that are actually enjoyable. Which ones are worth talking about? Well, as POOL demonstrates, the answer is: “eh, not many.”

As it so happens, something else I am not so smitten with is my current employment. It is not stressful in any way. Quite the opposite actually. I have way too much time on my hands. Time that is often spent indulging in some entertainment like POOL.

So I spent a little over an hour the other day (clearly during work hours) watching the entire first season of POOL. That leads me to one of the positive qualities of this show. It’s short and you don’t need too much of an attention span to watch each 6 to 8 minute episode. They are basically short skits. I definitely give Mary Ashley and Chris Russell a ton of credit for their writing and acting. They also managed to get their creation distributed and available online. That’s a HUGE deal that even someone as low-on-the-totem-pole as myself understands. Huge props. Here’s the breakdown of the web series in my favorite brief and bulleted format:

Plot: It centers around three friends / roommates (two guys and a girl) who tell each other their dating stories.

What kept me watching:

– Excellent camera work and audio – like an expensively-produced show

– One of the male characters gives me an American Psycho vibe. I almost feel that he sees himself as Patrick Bateman. Disturbing, but the guy has good hair and a dominating personality.

– The more I watched, the more I cared about the characters. Even aforementioned American Psycho.

– Steph (played by Mary Ashley) finds a plot-related reason to show off her bare behind, more than once. That would be a win for anyone interested – as she does (generally speaking) have a very tight behind.

– Every time Steph has a date presented from a flashback, her two roommates are somehow in the scene as servers or employees of the date venue, which is pretty clever.

– Episode 5 features the best cat sweater of all time. While it is fashioned inside-out with no clear purpose, this might be the one solid reason you need to watch.

What caused me to lose interest and look at puppies on Instagram again:

– Most of the funny lines fall flat – I am not sure if it is because the dialogue is so ridiculous or there is no laugh-track. Maybe I still need encouragement to laugh at amusing parts of TV shows…so maybe that is just my own personal problem (one of the many).

– Why is everyone white? Not to bring up another racial argument, but the poor man’s Three’s Company inverse is not too realistic when you’re talking about New York City in this century.

– Way too many disgusting bodily function / human waste jokes. Like I didn’t have enough of those with every real-life roommate I’ve ever had.

Net-net: If you want some cheap laughs (and I do mean cheap – this stuff is FREE!), fill up an hour of your day with the entire first season.

If you made it through this entire post, you already have a bigger attention span than I do, so POOL will be easy to get through.

Prince Charming Ain’t Here

This story is hilarious, and I’m glad the woman who experienced this was able to laugh about it. I’ve tried to find the exact words to tell clueless morons how ridiculous they are without looking like the proverbial “bitter single girl.” Never worked for me —

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The things that people say behind the protection of an electronic screen, huh?

How about this amazing individual who took his introduction to my single female cousin as an invitation to make her a victim in a horror movie?

photoshopped skin dude

Are you still asking why online dating is not fun and a huge pain in the butt, as well as emotionally draining?!

Okay, fine – here’s another one that gave me a giggle. I sincerely hope it is real:

ex

More where that came from – stay tuned!

What Planet Do You Live on? Part 3 – Some Profile Photos and Concerns

Sent to me by a friend in disbelief – here’s a Tinder profile for someone that seems to be more demanding of his dates than anyone I have ever witnessed before. Just decoding his use of emojis to represent what is acceptable in his world is exhausting. But really … who isn’t currently “obsessed with indigenous South American culture”?

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My mom had a blouse like this in the late 60s. I know this because she kept it over the years and I got to wear it as part of my costume for a fiesta-themed birthday party in the 3rd grade. Now this guy on Match has it – in all of its masculine sexy glory. I know you’re turned on…take a minute:

senorita shirt match guy

And then check out this guy’s screen name. The sad thing is he will probably find his future wife with it:

fantastic-screenname

I don’t understand…well I don’t understand most of what I see on dating sites…but I really don’t understand people who have profiles that aren’t filled out. They typically will message me (and plenty of other women who really enjoy having their time wasted by a series of “I’m too busy to fill this out”s when they really mean they are brainless and / creepier than your normal online dater and can’t string together some photos and a bio). If they do send a message first (because they somehow have the time to do that), it will say “Hi, how are you?” or something even shorter than that. I guess it’s all part of this “Pussy Affluenza” affliction that many single men are suffering from these days. So…little…effort…

Yet, this guys’s only online photo had to take a little diligence to put together:

profile under construction

So, what do we think? Is he just tragically ugly and too shy to share his appearance? Is he not single? Is he a criminal who harvests the organs of online daters who doesn’t want his photo out there? I’ll let you be the judge, since I’m obviously just here to make fun of him.

Conversations With My Cousin: Magnetism for the Maniac

There are many times when I wonder if it is just me…am I the only one receiving the weirdest messages from the most disturbed individuals on the Internet? Or am I the one that is too critical and not giving the right people a chance?

Then I hear from my cousin and somehow everything equalizes. A very smart and beautiful female of a similar age who works full-time, living in a different region* of the U.S., she often finds some real winners as well. Here are some that she has shared with me, instead of deleting immediately and setting her profile, phone and computer on fire, which is typically my first instinct:

looklikeyourdadmatch

What would they chat about? His own personal daddy issues?

falloutofheavenmatch

And then…what? She vomits?

ifyouwereafruit

WTF???

Maybe it is in our blood…some sort of pull that we have on the crazy. Here’s a recent text exchange we had:

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* This post is dedicated to the people who tell me how my dating issues would be solved if I left New York. Uh huh.

What Planet Do You Live On?

Look at the incredible way that Marilyn Manson Junior has introduced himself into my heart!

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And I was excited to see that this gentleman is so free with his bodily functions that he uses a photo to demonstrate that on Tinder:

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But then I considered going out with him:

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(I’m not even sure what his message said – I was laughing too hard at his main photo).

But most importantly, do you guys think I should take advantage of this offer?

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We can “even get coffee”!! Jackpot.

General Online Dating Profile Writing Tips

Online dating can be stressful for a variety of reasons. One of the main causes of this stress can be the information that is presented on profiles. There is a wide range of problems that can exist in the text portion of one’s profile but I think the worst offense is not including any text at all.

All of us can treat the categories and requests on the online forms with deference and make fun of them for being cheesy or lame questions, but they are there to help us explain who we are and to understand what we are looking for. If someone leaves their profile blank, I typically assume they are either on the site just to be creepy and stalk others or they have something to hide. In other words, I will not be in contact with them.

Erring on the side of the extremely cynical dater, I offer a few tips to those who want to actually have a conversation and / or date people they meet online:

– Take the time to fill out the “about me” section. Give yourself a goal of at least 2 sentences.

– Think about the type of person you would like to attract and what you would want to know about them, and offer your own info in that realm

dating biz card

– DON’T EVER TYPE THIS SENTENCE ON YOUR PROFILE: “Anything you want to know, just ask.” Besides being grammatically incorrect (oops – poking at bad writing again — can’t help it), an invitation to interview you is not appealing.

– Understand that an online dating profile is not a private document meant to offer your deepest emotions and history. It is there to offer a general idea of the type of person you are and what you are looking for.

– (Try and) be honest. Like the rest of this post, this should go without saying, but a few personal pieces of data can show that you are putting some thought into online dating and interested in getting to know others.

Outside of the obviously disturbing / eerie profiles, blank ones are probably the worst kinds. Please take the time to fill at least some of it out. Show the rest of us that you are not only a good person to connect with but also one that is literate!

A Post That Warrants Sharing Everywhere

tiger

A friend sent me the following post and told me it reminded her of me. I am honored – since it is extremely well-written, but also horrified that so many girls are dealing with the world of the “dating” lunatic.

My favorite quote from the post is not even directly from the writer, but from none other than Cher from Clueless, whose scripted words from nearly 20 years ago still remain true in my current reality:

Check out this interesting post, note that the writer actually knows how to well…umm…WRITE! Most importantly, please note that those of us dealing with such oddities are not alone:

http://jezebel.com/the-tragic-tale-of-the-blind-date-dick-pic-1608292704