And now a refreshing note on Facebook Messenger from someone anyone would be lucky to know…
How’s that for a romantic introduction just in time for the snuggly holiday season?
Look at the incredible way that Marilyn Manson Junior has introduced himself into my heart!
And I was excited to see that this gentleman is so free with his bodily functions that he uses a photo to demonstrate that on Tinder:
But then I considered going out with him:
(I’m not even sure what his message said – I was laughing too hard at his main photo).
But most importantly, do you guys think I should take advantage of this offer?
We can “even get coffee”!! Jackpot.
I would like to take a second to thank some of you fine men out there for posting some truly attractive photos for us to judge and enjoy…
Dirty Ass…bigsausage76…you fellas are truly in a class all your own. The respect and heartwarming message you have given your viewers, with just a name and photo is uplifting and dare I say, sexy.
I also really enjoyed the following guy’s two photos extensively. The chair that doesn’t seem to live on a planet with gravitational pull that he casually sits on, with one bare foot in the air while tweaking his (assumed) expensive sunglasses is impressive. So is his torso placement on a dark couch while modeling what must be a power suit with spacious pockets. But check out that Tinder intro! Not only is he healthy and a Skype user, but he also “trades stock market”! Further, he’s “IN TO SEX.” Jackpot! The foot in the air, the modeling on odd furniture, the claim that my happiness is “his duty” (when he’s not foot / furniture modeling) and my sneaking suspicion that he is either a prostitute or looking for one really sets this guy apart for me. Please…take it all in and try to absorb the goodness:
Here are some of my favorite e-mail* exchanges from the past few weeks:
Profile: nice man like to lungh coofee the city to listen and gentel 🙂 and funny
(nothing else is filled in on his profile and he has approximately 8 photos of himself most likely taken on the same day in front of what looks like a hotel in shorts and flip-flops)
Hey beautiful haw r u haw is u day going on
I was tempted to type “Virrry wel, thunk u – Hawt STUF,” but I just couldn’t bare it. Next…
From what I can tell from his profile, the following “Gentleman” is 10 years my junior, and smaller than me…if any of his pics or details are real:
hey how are you doing? i know its random, but have you ever taken a guys virginity before? i ask because i’m still a virgin and I would love to loose it with an older woman
Oh yeah – all the time. That’s exactly why I’m on this site.
I’m sorry – what exactly would be an answer that you are looking for??
I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t thinking much, sorry. I’m really not a bad guy though
All righty then.
I would love to get to know you more
I’m sure you do. Maybe another “older woman” will swoon from that incredible introduction. I wish you well.
😦 did I ever have a chance at getting to know you? Whatever I would write you probably wouldn’t have wanted to talk with me. I’m happy I at least got a response from you
That’s great! Take care.
And a miraculous thing happened. He didn’t send me a penis pic and left me alone. I know…I’m still shocked.
Profile: consists of one photo – a selfie – of my admirer looking off-webcam and extremely pissed off.
You remind me of my exigirlfriend…
That’s a wonderful intro.
Lol would you like to meet for a drink ?
Oh silly boy – maybe if you put in like 1% of effort, someone would agree to meet your angry face for a beverage.
*Spelling and grammatical choices have been preserved for authenticity
I’m so glad several people I know are now happily dating someone they met on okcupid.com. It inspired me to rejoin the site (for what must be the 5th or 6th time) and garner messages like these:
He’s ripe for the picking, guys. You know where to find him. Let him know I sent ya!
I’m sure there is a plethora of people who have online dating profiles that are also in some sort of relationship, whether they are married, have a boyfriend / girlfriend or someone else basically thinks they are maintaining their business only for them. I’m sure of this because I have heard way too many stories of lovers gone astray via dating sites, but I have never witnessed it from inside of the dating pool myself…until Tinder. I can’t comment on females doing this (although I am sure it happens), but I can say that I have found at least a handful of men that I know in real life who are definitely not single on the app. Now…if I recognize these people as I sift through their Facebook profile photos, won’t other people be able to do the same?! For crying out loud – it is connected to one’s Facebook account! Do people want to be caught? I just don’t get it, and as I said in an earlier post, it still seems to be a fun kind of toy for people to play with. They can probably use a site for affairs, like Ashley Madison or something, but those sorts of things aren’t free. So now we are talking about CHEAP cheaters. My favorite!
I actually saved an entire conversation with someone I had on Tinder who I recognized as a mutual friend from many years ago. The last I heard, he was married with a kid, but seeing him on the app made me think that his status had changed. But no. Being completely candid – I will say that I only realized about halfway through our discussion, that his photo (from his Facebook profile of course) is with his wife. A few days after this conversation, I noticed that he had changed his Facebook picture to just one of himself, alone. Interesting.
Without further adeau, a Tinder transcript between the “happily married” man (henceforth, referred to as “HMM”) and I:
ME: Hey. You recognize me, right?
HMM: Yeah lol
HMM: What r u doing on here? Lol
ME: Haha – just making sure. We know basically all of the same people. I thought you were married 🙂
HMM: I am married.
HMM: R u a tatle tale
ME: So what are you doing on here?!?
HMM: Just passing the time
HMM: I don’t get involved
ME: I’m not a tattle tale. I’m single.
HMM: I know
ME: So that’s why I’m here.
HMM: So this is really for single ppl to hook up right?
HMM: Right, I just wanted to see what all the fuss what about
HMM: I’m happily married
HMM: Any cool guys on here or are they all freaks? Lol
ME: Hmmm ok. I’ve met some decent ones and I’m certainly not looking for random hook-ups. I can typically sniff out the freaks.
HMM: Good for you
HMM: That’s cool*
HMM: I literally just downloaded this with my single coworker sitting next to me right now
HMM: But I can see this getting me into trouble!!!!
HMM: Not my thing!
HMM: How r u anyways?
HMM: Loooooong time
ME: I’m good. I can see how it can be interesting.
HMM: So let me ask you something?
HMM: Just between us?
HMM: Why did you click on me? Lol
ME: I thought maybe you were single if you were on here. Lots of people get married and then divorced.
HMM: Good luck
And then I blocked him.
Let’s all hope that he was being sincere by telling me he was using a dating / “hook-up” app to pass the work day, shall we?
*Sadly, I missed taking a screenshot of the piece of the conversation where he tells me I look great and that I should have no problem finding someone. You know – ‘cause I’m on the app for ego stroking from a married man.