creeper

Nice Profile Pic – Part 2

Just to remind you that these images have been plucked straight from the main / sole profile shots of many of the supposedly available men in the tri-state area. I know; I’m really confused as well.

nice profile pic 6

I like a good sweatpants, sweatshirt and hood pic. Especially when it covers the actual person up and you can’t really see what they actually look like. Thanks, Rocky Balboa.

nice profile pic 7

Why is the teddy bear taller than the girl? And why is she in need of a hug? And why am I asking these questions? Idiots…

nice profile pic 9

I love me some Rainbow Connection and I’m a huge Muppet fan in general. This kind of tugged at my heart-strings, but Kermie just looks a bit tuckered out…probably not good dating material for now. What is on the other side?

nice profile pic 8

This pic basically means that this person is a chocolate starfish, right? Umm, great way to get click-throughs…or a lot of automatic hatred…

nice profile pic 10

I’ve been trying to think of something substantial to say about this pic for weeks. Something even more substantial than this guy’s hair. Maybe you can help me out?

Nice Profile Pic

When casting a wide net in collecting possibilities for online dates, a good rule of thumb is to start out with some great photos of one’s self. After all, most people on such sites don’t take the time to actually read the text of one’s profile and base their opinions purely on the images provided.

And with that, I decided to start a little examination of the profile photos I see during my regular perusals of the online dating scene. Take a gander, and be advised that the majority of these photos are either the primary or the only photo attached to the profiles of these possible suitors…

nice profile pic

I love a good smartphone selfie in the bathroom mirror as much as anyone else, but if you’re going to use it to represent yourself, you might want to make sure your face is shown.

nice profile pic 5

Funny – but I’m thinking this isn’t the dude I would be talking to online?

nice profile pic 4

Uh, yeah, it would be nice if there even was an image in place of this important hipster message.

nice profile pic 3

I always look for a guy who takes good pictures of citrus. Awesome.

nice profile pic 2

This person knows what women fantasize about. And he wants everyone to know how creative he is with those fantasies in mind. Too bad his bikini underwear is an ugly neutral color. Otherwise, I’d be all over this.

By the way, I love when the sassy boys on online dating sites say that they don’t like “fish-face” or “extreme close-up” photos that girls post, since it means that the girl will be bigger or not-as-attractive in person. To those hotties, I say: Point taken. Yet, you should take take your own advice and avoid standing in front of the toilet for your own glamour shots, loser.

More pics to come…(get excited!)

Jew Talkin’ to Me?

Newsflash: I am Jewish. My religion doesn’t define who I am, and I make it very clear on my online dating profile(s) that I am open to dating people who are of a different faith than me. While I understand that religion is a very powerful / sensitive topic for many people, I don’t think that it’s the first topic to bring up when introducing yourself to someone. So it was pretty surprising for me when I received messages about my religion from not one, but 3 different people in a matter of one week. “Oh, well you were probably on that crappy free site,” one might suggest. No, friends. All 3 of these treasured interactions took place on – surprise, surprise – match.com within a 5 day span.

Unfortunately, I waited too long to scribe this and the site actually deleted one of the messages so I cannot share it with you as I viewed it. I can tell you with 100% truth that the subject of the message was “Shalom Bubby,” and the body of the message – scattered just like the brain of the jerk who wrote it – referenced Judaism more than once. If the guy was trying to be smart or funny with his Jewish comments in a self-deprecating or snarky way like Jackie Mason or Woody Allen, then I may have let that slide, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. I’m not even sure if he is 100% human.

mason
(Sex on a stick)

http://www.arrowfilms.co.uk/index.php?tle_id=393&art_id=5&s=bbf8abf989a911a568032954eda739b2

Okay, so one crazy guy with a weird message – nothing new, right? The second experience occurred a day or two later. It involved a wink from a decent-looking and cool-seeming guy named “Edward781.” I winked back at him and was excited to see a message from him pop up soon after:

“Check out ‘otherguy123.’”

That’s all his message said. I responded to Edward 781, thanking him for an introduction and though I had no idea what he was talking about, to have a good night. His response:

“Well ‘otherguy123’ is Jewish, so I thought you would like him.”

I was floored. My response to that:
“Huh? Didn’t we wink at each other? Does my profile say I only date Jewish people?”

Edward 781:

“Ha, yeah. So where do you live?”

I don’t know if he was joking or was ignorant enough to think that he didn’t insult me. I drafted several answers after that but ended up just ignoring him. And furthermore, we both live in NEW YORK CITY, where you can find people of pretty much any faith and background on a daily basis – so why are we focusing on what I am?! As if I wasn’t astounded enough by the religious commentary I had received throughout the week, I then had another experience soon after.

I had winked at someone I found interesting and a few days later, we exchanged one e-mail each. After that, I didn’t hear back from him for a while, until I received this amazing paragraph:

“Hi, sorry I didn’t respond to your last email. Honestly there are days I want to be on here and days that I don’t feel like it. I also notice that you are Jewish and its not that I have an issue with that it’s just that I have never dated a Jewish girl and I am Catholic and while I am not some religious freak, I was raised by two parents and I still attend church that is part of who I am. So, those are the reasons why I didn’t respond earlier. Hope you are having a good day.

Gary”

My answer to him:

“You should have just held that comment to yourself. Enjoy.”

And another from him:

“Hi, I am sorry you took it the wrong way. Maybe you are right I shouldn’t have written it in an email I was just trying to put it out there as something that is a part of who I am. If you would have responded with something along the lines of ‘the difference is ok with me’ I was going to ask you if you wanted to meet up sometime in the next few days.

I am very sorry about the misunderstanding, I did not mean to be disrespectful to you.

Gary”

Oh – so had I offered Gary a specific response about being raised by two parents (clearly making him a quality individual versus anyone else in the world) as well as given him a trophy for his visits to church (or perhaps his love for the run-on sentence?), I would have been lucky enough to meet up with him. You know, because my profile, wink, and e-mail to him didn’t really bring home the “I don’t care about your religion” message. My mistake.

Some of the people who I have shared these stories with have asked me if I have tried J-Date. Well yes. Yes, I have – twice. That’s where I met Dave and Matt. The moral of this story is not for me to only attempt to date Jewish people. The real lesson here is what it always has been: There are a multitude of ways in which people can be nuts. Sticking with my “own kind” has not really helped the cause.

Bathing Dominatrix Princess

I understand the strategy of “casting a wide net” in the online dating world and I’m sure it is successful for some. Sometimes I give the guys that send me the most asinine messages some credit for making the attempt. I suppose that is what I am doing by posting these messages.

E-mail from Dude 1 (who is 13 years younger than me, which is something that neither of us are interested in, according to our profiles):

Subject: have you ever thought about a relationship with…

Message: have you ever thought about a relationship with a guy where you are in charge and he follows what you tell him to do? I think it could be really fun and exciting. Let me know what you think :).

Well, no. No I haven’t. And I didn’t know that match.com was a guise for kinky dominatrix partnerships either.

E-mail from Dude 2:

Subject: Okay… here’s a question…

Message: Cold shower or hot bath?

What? Did I just waste 5 seconds of my day reading that?

Dominatrix Princess

Dominatrix Princess

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Lunar-Princess-Animated-Adoptable-338102504

E-mail from Dude 3 (if you read this guy’s entire e-mail, you are a better person than me):

Message:

Princess,

So basically, the way I look at it, three VERY important things will happen here that will shape the rest of our lives together:

1. You and I are going to get together for an incredibly fun, romantic and memorable weekend. That weekend will be absolutely CRUCIAL as this first meeting will show that this handsome, sexy, romantic, intelligent, athletic, sweet, kind, personable and family-oriented guy IS the right one for you (and vice versa).

2. After this weekend is complete, shortly thereafter, you and I are going to go on a terrific week long vacation somewhere (cruise, beach, etc). As hard as you and I have been working lately, we BOTH deserve it.

3. After #1 and #2 take place, we’re going to recreate the whole “Meet The Parents” series, as I plan on popping an AMAZING Tiffany ring on your finger and making you the happiest princess ever. It’s time we give our parents the grandkids they always wanted, be terrific parents on our end, and watch them grow into strong Jewish men/women.

Anything else we each do on our end, is a waste of our time my love. Hope you’re having a great week- mazeltov! 🙂

Matt

If I think too hard about the planet that these men live on – where messages like these are possibly enticing…it makes my head spin. I’m sure there are women answering them. And that’s the scariest part of it all.

Weddings are Great Events for Single People

As I believe I alluded to in my first post, there have been a number of experiences I have had with the opposite sex that have (shockingly) never involved the Internet.

I was a guest at a good friend’s wedding a few years back. There were well over 200 people there, the music was great and the alcohol was flowing in all directions. And when I say that, I mean that there were at least 3 bars set up around the reception area where it seemed that at least one dozen guys and gals (but mostly guys) were standing and festively barreling into each other.

A slave to tradition, it came time for the bride to toss the bouquet. I tried to avoid the situation completely, and ran in the opposite direction of the female gang eagerly holding their arms up to try and catch some airborne floral. Not only did I not make it away from the group with any sort of grace, but the bouquet hit me right in the face and then fell to the floor. Horrified but not wanting to ruin the moment, I picked up the flowers and awaited the next step to this wondrous routine.

cought-bouquet

http://www.webweaver.nu/clipart/wedding.shtml

Next up was the equally-unnerving garter toss. To make it clear, I’m well aware that when you get a group of males together to perform any sort of task, especially when there is alcohol involved, it gets competitive. However, I have never witnessed anything more ruthless than the struggle that ensued among those who wanted to catch this little piece of ruffly elastic. It was definitely the effects of gallons of whisky and testosterone that caused a group of close to 100 men to literally run and jump on top of one another, breaking several glasses, causing children to cry and everyone to wonder who would need the E.R. It certainly had nothing to do with me sitting on a chair close by, waiting to do my part and get groped have the garter delicately placed on my appendage.
After the clawing and tackling was over, there was not much left but tons of broken glass and…him. The dude who caught the garter was not only disheveled, but didn’t look like he could walk too well and had a bloody nose. No, I’m not kidding.

In the wedding photo archives, there are definitely a few photos of my smiling, yet completely horror-struck face as I awaited my fate – bride and groom standing next to me for support.

bloody face

http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/8/2010/10/500x_supernatural_1_4bc37.s05e22.jpg “At least I won…”

Somehow he managed to crouch down at my leg and do the business. With zero eye contact (poor guy probably couldn’t focus on much), blood slowly trickling from his nostril, he spoke these enchanted words to me:

“Wher…where’s……ya boyfriend?”

The garter was on, there were definitely enough photos taken of these precious moments and it was time for this boy to get some gauze. I was done.

Weddings are magical.

There’s Always Thumbelina

I was checking out a family friend’s Facebook photos one day and saw one with her and a good-looking guy smiling with their dogs. I knew she had been online dating for a bit so I inquired as to whether the guy in the photo was a new beau. Her eyes lit up. She said, “No, but I did meet him on J-Date! We have no chemistry, but we’ve become friends – you should go out with him!” A cute guy with a good job, who has and loves dogs? The next step was obviously to make the aforementioned family friend swear to me that nothing was overtly wrong with him. Once that was complete, we were in business.

His name was Adam and he gave me a call a few days later. He was great – very personable, and asked what I would like to eat on our upcoming dinner date. We chose a sushi restaurant in an area we could both get to fairly easily.

I was pretty nervous on my way to meet Adam in person. Rather than simply reading about and viewing some two-dimensional images, I had a real-life person vouching for him. I got all spruced up in jeans and a cute pair of boots with a small wedge heel on them. When asked, one of my roommates at the time that my appearance was acceptable, so I left, on my way to meet Adam.

We planned to meet in front of the restaurant which happened to be on the corner of two streets. From several feet away, I saw Adam’s cute face as he waited for me. Yet that cute face was attached to the body of a 10 year old boy. The (now familiar) alarms starting going off in my head, telling me that this guy was very VERY short but all I could do was smile as he turned in my direction and greet him once we were standing in front of one another. I consider myself a (relatively) very short person, which is why it was important to tell you what footwear I was wearing at the time. I specifically recall having to bend down to give Adam a hug. And from that point on, I was traumatized, but had to pretend that everything was fine (again).

Once we sat down, and I realized that Adam somehow didn’t require a highchair, we got along great. Well, that was until I ordered a glass of sake and he stuck with water. “Oh, you don’t drink alcohol?” I asked. He explained that he doesn’t really enjoy drinking, and never has. Obviously, I was wondering how that’s even possible internally, but on the outside, I kept the questions going. I asked if he goes out at all, to socialize, watch games, be around people – you know, perform recreational human activity as I see it – in some way. He said he does once in a while, but doesn’t really enjoy being at bars at all. He elaborated (if you want to call it that) by saying:

“Well I do go to them and I would go with you for a bit. But don’t worry I would be good once we got home.”

danglingfeet-bw

Excuse me? I didn’t understand what the hell he was talking about. He was a smart guy with a logical head on his shoulders until this subject came up. I was pretty sure he was telling me would be a great sex partner after going to a bar and not drinking – and was proud of that fact. All I could think of was munchkin foreplay and I got really disturbed.

I don’t think we hit another awkward topic during dinner after that, and Adam was nice enough to drive me home from the restaurant. Even with an SUV, he didn’t need pedal extensions. I know…I was surprised too.
And that was pretty much it. He was short and a little creepy even as a very sober little person, so I just wasn’t into him.

And I’m almost positive that that is the exact reason why he was very interested in me. I received a voicemail from him a day or two later that specifically said, “give me a call back when you get a chance, or I will call you later.” So I figured that since he said he would possibly call me again, I didn’t need to call him back. I thought that was logical.

Well, I never heard from Adam again but wow – my family friend was not very happy with me. During the next family get-together when I saw her, she demanded to know why I didn’t call him back. I explained my reasoning, and also expressed that I wasn’t really into him.

Her response (exclaimed not only in front of my mother and brother, but her parents and everyone’s small kids):

“YOU KNOW — NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS ABOUT GETTING DRUNK AND SCREWING!!”

No?

Well, someone should have told Adam the second part – and maybe lowered her voice during this absurd exclamation around everyone’s parents. I ended up seeing Adam at the family friend’s wedding about a year later. Yes, he did ignore me, no – he certainly didn’t have a drink… and yes, his date was well over a foot taller than him. Good (albeit, slimy) job Thumbelina!

thumbelina

He Sells Tile

There are some dudes out there who I am 100% convinced have other people write their online dating profiles for them. Possibly female family members or empathetic friends…or maybe both. I vaguely remember striking up a conversation with a handsome blond-haired, blue-eyed beau on J-Date.com. Yes, you read that right. Light haired, blue-eyed Jewish guys are a rarity but they do exist. He had plenty of photos on his profile of him smiling at different events, and described himself and his life in a pleasant, detailed manner. An attractive human being with a personality and interests. I was sprung.

Now that I am thinking back on this experience, there are two things I need to point out:

1. If you are a regular reader of my posts, you know that I rarely forgot names. Well, this guy is the exception to that pattern. I have zero recollection of his name because he barely left an imprint on my memory.

2. This may have been the point in my online dating existence where I decided that a phone discussion was a requirement before actually meeting my potential love interest in person.

And so we carried on our conversation via text messages for a while and I got to know whats-his-face as a cool guy who was really sarcastic and had plenty to talk about. We had decided to meet for a drink at a bar that he chose and sounded perfectly fine to me.

And the bar was fine – extremely casual, and unassuming. I arrived first and sipped my fun beverages while I waited for the latest Man o’ my Dreams to show up. While I was looking down at my phone, or at the bartender, or the floor – basically anywhere but the stool next to me, my date showed up. There was no sign that he had actually walked into the bar and arranged himself next to me. I didn’t even notice that the door to the bar had even opened. He was just there all of the sudden.

Just imagine this scene for a second. I’m kind of nervous and waiting for someone to walk in and he literally materialized next to me – AND DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING.

So here is what I remember of the dialogue we did exchange:

Me: Hey there – I guess you are [my date’s name]. Nice to meet you in person (smiling, though having no idea what’s going to happen).
Him: (low mumbled voice). Hey. You too. (looks away)

And the struggled exchange continued like that for the entire time it took him to get a beer down and for me to basically inhale the drink he offered me. Each time I brought him to a topic, it always came back to his employment, and the same thing about his employment. I had known from his exciting profile that he was a tile salesman.

So when I brought up where I was from he said, “My office is in Brooklyn, where I sell tile from.”
“Working in sales can’t be easy,” I offered at one point, trying to see if he would maybe feel more comfortable when I gave him an opener about his favorite topic, and would talk a bit more. His response: “Well, my type of sales isn’t too bad. Everyone needs tile.”

Right.

Or when I said I would love to go back to Europe soon, he offered, “I’ve been to Italy – you know they are the tile capital of the world.”

Have you fallen asleep yet? I almost did. As I made a beeline for the train station to get home (which he didn’t walk me to), I kept asking myself who the heck wrote this guy’s profile.

Cats: Not the Musical

There I was, minding my own business, when I received the following
e-mail from someone on Match.com *. This message has been copied and pasted. It truly pains me to keep the grammatical / spelling errors intact, but I’m doing it for posterity:

Subject: Passion for Animals

Message:

I have a deep passion for animals. I had an upsetting weekend. One of my beloved cats got very sick and has been at the animal hospital since Saturday. He had some kidney problems. He is not out of danger, but at least he is still alert and surviving. I am keeping my pet taxi in my car as a good luck charm with the hope that I can bring him home soon.

Another think positive is if we can make a connection. We have very similar interests. I see that you like going to concerts. I probably have gone to close to 300 concerts over the years. I think that we share some common interests is a good thing.

A few items to note here:

– My profile clearly states that I am fiercely allergic to cats. Sure, they are creatures that many people hold near and dear to their hearts. I get that. I have a few in my backyard that talk to me in the middle of the night. They’re very social. But telling me about feline kidney issues is not a quick way to spur up the romantic chemistry.

– Notice how he mentions “one of” his cats? It means there is more than one. Perhaps a gang of cats? I debated over whether I would include any one of a variety of “pussy” puns here and decided against it.

– I feel bad for this guy for having a sick pet. Of course I do. But why offer such detail to a total stranger?

– “Another think positive is if we can make a connection.” Does anyone understand what that means?? I don’t.

– Where’s the greeting, the introduction, and / or the closing?

I would like to take the opportunity right here to create a response to “RStepper” since this is my safe haven of snark and non-confrontation:

Hi RStepper,

I am so terribly sorry about your cat. You seem like a very caring person who will make someone very happy one day. That someone may be a cat, or a cat-loving human who doesn’t sneeze and develop oozing eyeballs from being around a cat for longer than 5 minutes, such as myself.

I hope your cat is alive and well. Perhaps you can buy him a wig. That will make both of you feel better: http://kittywigs.com/

German man marries his cat.
Photo credit from this illustrious story:
http://perezhilton.com/2010-05-03-german-man-marries-his-cat#.UH1jjm_A-So

* Since I originally starting drafting this post, I have received not one, but two further e-mails from RStepper. In one, he seems to have no memory of writing to me the first time and tells me about charging is phone post-Hurricane Sandy at the Verizon store. And that’s the whole e-mail. In the follow-up, he starts catching an attitude and demands to know why I haven’t responded to him. Sorry folks, RStepper is now officially blocked.

Persistence is Key…to Confirm That You’re a Lunatic

I received the following message through Match.com. As usual, the fact that I received an e-mail got my attention, and once I clicked over to view the sender’s full profile, it all made sense. Imagine, if you will, someone who auditioned to play the part of a Street Fighter character, complete with a fitted faux-leather jacket and a barbed facial expression. It seems to be an attempt to look masculine, but it really just looks like he is about to sneeze. That’s what “ILuvToLaugh” looks like in his profile.


My suitor would be the one on the right, with the gun.

Let’s drift away together into his delightful prose, shall we?

Subject: Uh. No Way

Message:

You know, my friends say that it’s not good to show your hand too quickly (especially online), but after coming across your profile, I had to send you a message to concede that I am a sucker for feminine girls with polarity. I’m not ashamed to admit it!

I mean, don’t get me wrong — it’s NOT like I am some sort of mythical knight out on a quest to find the girliest girl of legends or some frat dude drooling over valley girls who look like they’re straight from the set of Clueless; it’s like that happy medium between a girl being really comfortable with her femininity and balancing the confidence to show it. And it seems like to me, that you fall into that happy medium! (there is a reason why it’s called a happy medium instead of a sad or mediocre medium right?)

Anyway, where are my manners? My name’s Tim, and if smart, funny, stylish, cute, and overall just frankly awesome guys are your thing, then don’t send me a message. Oh wait, I messed up. I mean DO send me a message. I get confused sometimes 🙂

I’m not going to lie. Once I saw the Street Fighter picture, I was kind of confused. The e-mail had me a bit more baffled. But, being the “feminine girl with polarity” that I am, I concluded that this is a canned e-mail and “Tim” doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. I certainly don’t. But there’s more!

One Month Later…

Subject: You were burglarized…?

Message:

Hey,

So I was checking my account today in utter disbelief that I didn’t hear back from you yet, and then I just realized what must have happened to you–

You must have been burglarized, and the only thing that horrible and wretched thief must have stole was your keyboard. I feel bad now you poor, poor soul… you must have been so traumatized just sitting there staring at my profile on the screen, clicking away futilely and slamming your mouse down in frustration multiple times while cursing the heavens that this had to happen to you today and that there’s no way for you respond to me.

Like I said… luckily for you, I’m an exceptionally perceptive guy. I mean how many other guys would know that is EXACTLY what happened to you with the limited information you gave me 🙂 And since I’m also in the business of solving problems, here’s some solutions to help you get in contact with me:

1. Get some matches, grab 3 garbage cans, and arrange them in a triangle formation to set them all on fire simultaneously. This will create an accurate smoke triangulation signal so I can come over and find you. I’m like a modern-day knight in shining armor.

2. Use your trusty phone to text me at 646-943-3%*$ so we can continue the conversation

Hmmm… well his first message said he certainly wasn’t a knight, so which is it? Am I dealing with a knight-like Street Fighter character or what?!? And, if I really was burglarized, why would I ever want to commit arson right after that? Would this guy really want to date both a victim and a criminal?

My point is, if you attempt to go the creative and humorous route, you should have the intelligence to back it up. Taking the time to create not one, but two canned e-mails that are sent to anyone you deem to have a heartbeat should also include some logic. Not only am I now having visions of video game characters creating online dating profiles, but I am pretty sure that “ILuvToLaugh” (aka: “Tim”) assumes that I am MacGuyver.

Me, preparing for a date.

I just can’t deal with that sort of pressure.

Summer Venting

Warning: Angry female complaining coming up.

During the last two weeks of online dating adventures, I have had some very frustrating experiences.

There was GolfProSal who looks to be approximately 500 pounds and a lot younger than my dating age range. He has a pet that he poses with in all of his profile pictures. He claims she’s a dog but she looks like an extra hairy ferret. His e-mail:

Hi. I’m Sal. How are you? Whats your name? You are so beautiful. To describe myself in a few sentences is tough but I would say: I am a very sweet guy and a perfect gentleman. I am honest and loyal. Just as important as that is I am such a funny person and great with conversation as well. If you are at the point in your life where you are looking for something long term and looking for a guy that treats a woman like a lady then maybe we should chat and see if we are compatible. I am on this site hoping to find love again but this time for good; but if I only made a great friend in the process that would be nice too. I try to be laid back and don’t put pressure on things. I let the cards fall where they may. Hope to here from you soon. Ciao Bella. Sal

Oh, Sal. You seem kind. Take up something besides golf and change up the canned e-mails.

*
Luvsthemthick is about 20 years older than my dating age range, and between his screen name and his message, I can tell he definitely knows how to sweet-talk a lady:

Hi names angel. Awsome pic hun. Would love to chat let me know.

(Swoon).

*
It’s not like I don’t reach out to those who interest me. I winked at FunnyLawyer, who I thought was promising. He wrote back and we entered into a wise-cracking, flirty e-mail exchange. For one day. See, what happened was that he wrote back to me within a few hours, then waited about 2 days to respond the second time, and even claimed he typically is “a lot quicker” with his responses. The next two times he wrote back to me, I was in shock that he even remembered to e-mail me back because he waited 5 days, and then 7 days to send me a few sentences. I know that’s not very eye-opening or humorous, but if you feel as though you have a decent repertoire with someone and a week goes by without communication, most people would assume that either the other person is dead or they are no longer interested. No – just really difficult for FunnyLawyer to get to that e-mail. It’s not cute to act like it takes you a week to write less than a paragraph. Done talking to me? Then don’t e-mail at all!

*

If that doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, well you are right. However, a few weeks prior, I wasted a little bit of my life on someone whose texting habits were even worse than that. For example, he asked what I was doing for the weekend on a Tuesday evening, and I answered a few minutes later. He then thoughtfully responded on Wednesday night (24 hours later), “that’s cool.” And that was it. Very fulfilling.
*
LobsterHunter sent me this detailed message:

Hey there what a smile lets talk call me LEONARD @ 212 123 4567

* Cuban2121 wrote to me yesterday, telling me in his introduction that he recently got thrown off another online dating site and that he wasn’t looking for “prudes.” He also mentions in his profile that he has “naughty pictures.”

There have been others, but the aforementioned are the ones that stick out in my mind. As I copy and paste some of these messages from the sites, a hottie noticed I was online and sent me a comprehensive introduction:

Hi.

Oy.

Selfishly, I just want to get this negative activity off of my chest. I truly wish I was able to meet potential suitors the “normal way” as so many acquaintances advise me to. I also appreciate the “don’t give up with online dating – my best friend’s sister’s housekeeper met her second husband that way!” and the “you need to go out and do activities!” remarks. They’re keeping me afloat. Clearly.

Yep, I just became “that girl.”